Changes

I’ve had a good little run working for food and working for my livelihood. It’s been a rough road for me these last few months. I wish I could pinpoint what exactly changed me. I may never know. I do know, however, that my life is not over and I am fighting to stay alive. Whether the thoughts are from my own head, or from my heart’s anxiety, I am trying to block them so that I can stay with my dogs one more day.

I wrote that towards the end of June, 2013. It is now August, and my life has changed so much since then!
I am now on a wonderful medicine, it’s an SSRI (Celexa), which has so far made me have no depression and substantially less anxiety and OCD issues. I love this new medicine and hope I will not need to be on it a year from now. That is the goal.
My doctor changed my thyroid medicine from Armour, back to Levothyroxine. It’s helping. I’m doing okay.
I saw a gastroenterologist. He had me do an Upper GI and get a gallbladder ultrasound. I’m “normal,” as usual; but we all know that I am not even close to “normal.” Some ideas he had were to go on the FODMAP Diet, that I “just have IBS,” and that I may possibly have microscopic colitis.
I’m pretty sure I have something still wrong with me. It’s not normal to have ‘the big D’ all the time, no matter what I eat or drink (of course I’m still not eating gluten, and all my other food allergies and sensitivities).

Other changes in my life include losing one job, a new job, re-gaining an old friend, and gaining a new local “family” network. Life is not always good these days, but it is a heck of a lot better than it was!

I hope everyone has a great August. Stay tuned to my Instagram and Facebook page for all my birthday-month photos and fun facts. 🙂

New Life in Texas

Well, it’s been a couple more birthday’s since I last wrote. A few more jobs, two more city moves, and two moves within one of those cities, so far. In addition to that, I finally have a medical diagnosis for my food issues: Celiac and Hashimoto’s.

I’ve been in San Antonio, Texas for almost two full years. I have a few friends and, aside from my dogs, no family here. It’s pretty much just how I left Tennessee.
San Antonio has given me the opportunity to have two jobs I enjoy very much. I finally got my dream job working “for” animals and conservation, as well as “with” food. My other regular job sometimes takes it’s toll on me, but has made me a stronger salesperson and I believe I am better in the business world for it. I have been loyal to this position with this company for over a year and a half: this beats every prior relationship and career choice.
Being a better businessperson has not really made me better at relationships, but I believe being a workaholic has. I have worked just about every day for the last year and 11 months. When I wasn’t working, I was looking for more work, asleep, or just hanging out with the dogs and my former boyfriend. – I don’t want to call him “my ex” because that makes it seem like he’s a bad person. He was the most understanding, accepting, tolerant boyfriend I could have ever desired. I know all my issues took a huge toll on him in the last year and two months. He taught me that I did not have to worry all the time: that life is in the present, not the mysterious future I always worried about. Although I miss him asking me: “How was your day?” I know that he is happier without being with me through my daily struggles. I am grateful to him to allow me to trust him. He changed his whole life to accommodate my issues with food and acceptance. I really am amazed someone would ever do that for me.
San Antonio has given me a great doctor as well. She was willing to run tests to find out what I am actually allergic to and diagnose my physical illnesses as mainly a thyroid disease. So now I know I am allergic to: gluten, peanuts, shrimp, sesame seeds, clams, and have self-diagnosed my allergy to corn. So, this big belly I have not been able to lose: it’s corn. No more corn tortillas and San Antonio’s famous breakfast tacos for me! 🙁 Even with all these “new” allergies, I have been able to lightly introduce milk back in my life. – I’m not ready to risk real yogurt and cheese yet, but maybe one day I will. – Kangen (ionized, alkaline) water, liquid probiotics and Zipfizz (vitamin/energy/electrolyte drink) have really made a difference in my life over the last year. I am no longer malnourished, even though I am sure I still have a malabsorption issue. I’m still skin cancer free, even though I’ve had a few more procedures done since my last post. I also got a few more tattoos since then. I have a big yellow Texas star on my left foot, three small blue stars like the Tennessee flag, and still have my two pink Hollywood stars on my right foot.
Learning more about gluten and it’s emotional involvement with my life has really made me wonder about my extended family who also has suffered with bouts of depression. I am trying to not be a “Negative Nelly” all the time; it has always been a struggle for me. Just like stuttering: it’s a minute by minute thing to try to control and work through. There were fewer tears today, although more confusion regarding my future.
It’s my new life. Some days are much worse than others, however every day is a new start to something better. Maybe in this next year I will win the lottery. Who knows? I’ll keep you posted.